Grow Old with Me

my aches and pains tell me that i am aging.  i see the signs in my body, as my shoulders slump forward and the curvature in my spine becomes more pronounced.  i have less energy and endurance and must rest more frequently and the chores that are necessary to care for our home and yard take longer.  i often lament those changes, but i also feel a deep sense of gratitude.

not everyone has the opportunity to grow old.  many are cut down long before that stage of their lives is reached.  i am grateful that i am still very mobile.  there is little i'm unable to do, even though it may take me longer.  i am undergoing physical therapy to counter the problems with my aging body, and, though the exercises i perform are exhausting, i can tell that they are helping.  my neck is more flexible, and the corrections i'm making to some bad posture habits are helping.  so, i am grateful that there are steps i can take to help my body function better.

i know that as long as i continue to age my body will continue to deteriorate.  this is a part of life, and i am grateful that i have reached this stage.  i hope that i can retain gratitude for this aging body until it no longer has life left in it.  may each of us be thankful for the gifts our bodies give us.  may we acknowledge the great miracle of biology that is the human body, this machine that can repair itself in so many ways despite our growing older.  may we relish each breath, each step, and each bite we take.  shalom. 

Deep Peace of the Quiet Earth

i have a relative whom i love dearly, but often this dear one says unkind things in the most casual way.  when she directs these remarks at others, it seems she has little regard for how her words wound.  if she is called out, she will say something like, "you know i didn't mean it" or "you should know i was only kidding."  i've felt the sting of her words, and my first impulse is to lash out at her.  

i'm trying to understand why she does this.  most of the time she is a kind, considerate person.  i know that she was abused physically and emotionally as a child and that she had a very difficult time growing up.   perhaps she feels insecure about the sincerity of others' love for her, remembering how her father treated her and how ineffective her mother was in protecting her.  whatever the cause, i've come to realize that her words are more about her internal anger rather than about the person at whom her unkind words are directed.  because she hurts, she tries to inflict the same pain on others.

realizing that takes away some of the sting of her words.  replying in kind confirms her belief that others harbor ill feelings toward her and deepens her conviction that everyone is against her.  the deep pain arising from her formative years can be pushed aside most of the time, but when it comes to the surface, she wants to hurt others as she has been hurt.  may those who carry deep wounds find healing.  may we look beyond the obvious and seek the causes of suffering.  may we be forgiving and let go of the hurtful arrows directed at us.  may lovingkindness and compassion replace anger and the desire for revenge.  shalom.

Our Severing Ways

last week i wrote about the birth of our granddaughter.  this week i want to write about the efforts of many to curtail the rights of women, especially their right to control their own bodies.  after the supreme court struck down the protection of reproductive rights based on the belief in a constitutional right to privacy, many state legislatures outlawed abortion.  we now have a patchwork of contradictory laws throughout our country.  in some states, abortion is forbidden after a certain point in pregnancy.  in others, abortion is allowed only in the case of rape, incest, or when the mother's life is in danger.  still others have made abortion illegal under any circumstances.  other states have maintained the right of women to control their bodies and left women's healthcare as a private matter between a woman and her doctor.

some of these laws make doctors criminally liable if they perform an abortion that the state determines violates the law.  many of these laws are unclear about when an abortion is or is not legal.  in many instances, the result is that doctors simply will not perform abortions under any conditions for fear of being jailed by the state.  women are dying and are being injured for life because of these laws.  poor women are forced to bear children that they cannot care for.  rape victims are forced to bear the children of their rapists, and many of these mothers are children themselves.  thousands of unwanted children will be born, and the states with the most draconian laws are the least supportive of mothers and children after babies are born.

the "fetal personhood" movement is pushing for laws that make a developing fetus equal in rights to a person who has been born.   rather than speaking of a fetus, the proponents of this perspective refer to the fetus as "unborn" or "preborn."  from this point of view, an "unborn person" is murdered if it is aborted.  the doctor who performed the abortion and the mother carrying the fetus are partners in murder and subject to criminal prosecution.  women have been prosecuted when a miscarriage has occured.  in several states, this legal theory is now enshrined in the legal code.

women must have control over their bodies.  it is not the business of the state to interfere in the health care of a woman.  women and their medical providers should be left alone to do what is in the best interest of the mother without intervention by the state.  may we stop treating women as little more than carriers of developing fetuses.  may we return to a belief in reproductive rights for women.  may we provide the support that mothers and their children need.  may we not impose our own religious beliefs on others.  may we remember that freedom of religion means freedom from religion in the public sector.  shalom.

Our Future Gets Brighter

my wife and i went to see our new granddaughter for the first time this past week.  it was immediately apparent that her parents were filled with joy and pride.  they both glowed with the experience of being first-time parents.  we caught their enthusiasm as soon as we saw the little bundle of life they had created.  to us, she was the most perfect child that ever has been.  she was alert, with eyes that opened wide as she looked lovingly at her mother.  she cried very little as she was passed to her grandmother, and she quickly became calm as she peered into her grandmother's face.

as my wife sat down with her in a swivel chair, the tiny baby made soft cooing sounds.  when the chair began to rock slowly from side to side, she fell asleep in her grandmother's arms and slept there for well over an hour.  when lunchtime came, she was transferred to a small pillow that lay on the couch, where she continued to sleep as the four of us ate and talked.  we marveled that she slept so soundly despite the noises we were making.

our son and his wife recounted their experiences with her birth and the few days they had spent caring for her.  they remarked how they had prepared carefully for the at-home birth with a midwife and her assistant present, but they weren't prepared for the many responsibilities of caring for a newborn.  nonetheless, they were delighted to have her and beamed with the love they felt for her.  we were reminded of our first days with our two children.  i recounted my gratitude that our son had been born during the summer, when i was free of my teaching responsibilities and could be home with my wife and son as a full-time parent.  we are glad that both our son and his wife can take time off from work for parental leave, though my son's leave is unpaid and some of the time he will work from home, while his wife's leave is at reduced pay.  even that concession was unavailable when my wife and i were in the workforce, so when our daughter was born, my wife's mother came to help us so i could go back to work the day after she was born.

we are happy beyond words that this new life has come into our family.  each day, we pray that she will be happy, healthy, and able to life a rich, fulfilling life.  may each of us marvel at the miracle of creation.  may we see each child as a special gift whose life must be nurtured.  may every parent have the resources they need to care for their children.  may we as a nation provide the opportunities that each child should have to be happy, caring members of society.  shalom. 

All Beautiful the March of Days

a few days ago, my wife and i received some wonderful news:  our first grandchild had been born!  she is a perfect baby so far as anyone can tell, and she and her mother are doing well.  in the pictures our son sent us, he is happy and proud.  we cannot wait to see her in person and to celebrate with our son and our granddaughter's mother.  we'll go over to their home in a few days to have lunch and to cuddle this precious gift.

we had given up on the idea of having a grandchild when we learned that we would finally become grandparents.  as i think on this new life that has come into the world, i marvel at the miracle of birth.  this is especially true during this time of year, as trees bud out, grass greens, and all the manifestations of spring appear.  soon it will be easter, the christian version of the ancient tale of birth and rebirth.  in my questioning mind, i doubt the story of the founder of our faith rising from the dead.  instead, i think of those things which arise from the earth at this season, of grass growing, flowers poking out of the ground and blooming, of dormant trees coming to life again.  the story of the resurrection is the story of life renewing itself, as it does every spring.

may we rejoice in the miracles of nature and in the birth of new life.  may we be filled with gratitude that the sun warms all of creation and brings about the renewal of spring.  may we see and rejoice in the wonders of each passing season.  may we sense the warmth of love shared with one another and the universe.  shalom. 

Love Is the Theme

a friend sent me a text a few days ago containing an announcement that a former student of mine had been named the superintendent of schools for the district in which i taught for over twenty-five years.  this man, now in his forties, was a wonderful student who loved to sing.  he was a born leader and inspired others to want to be in his company.  he was a fine athlete as well, but he dropped out of sports when they interfered with his participation in the school choir.  he was also a brilliant mathematics student, but he refused to take some of the school's advanced math courses because they were scheduled at the same time as choir, such was his devotion to choir.

he went to college on a choir scholarship and majored in math.  he went on to be a math teacher, then a school principal, then a district-wide administrator, before becoming an assistant superintendent in a large urban school district in a neighboring state.  during this time he earned his masters and doctoral degrees.  now he will come back to his hometown as the district's first black superintendent of schools.  when i sent him a congratulatory note, his reply told me how much his association with me, my family, and the choir had meant to him.  he said that without those influences, he would never have been motivated to achieve what he had.  he grew up in a single-family home, and his mother had a meager income.  he was determined to create a better life for himself and his loved ones, and he did.

i wish i could take credit for his accomplishments, but it was his strength of character and determination that made him what he is.  i am better for having known him and being a part of his life.  may we remember that we touch lives without knowing it.  may we see the value in every human being and do all we can to make their lives better.  may our love and compassion encompass everyone with whom we come in contact, and may we be a source of encouragement.  shalom.

Just the Perfect Blendship

i've never been one to need close friends.  some would say i'm a loner, but my dearest friend is myself.  the time i have to spend with myself is something i treasure.  loneliness and boredom are very foreign to me.  as i've aged, the enjoyment of being with others has grown, though.  we moved to the northern part of our state to be near some close relatives that we've always enjoyed visiting.  after we moved, we spent a great deal of time with them, going on several long trips and getting together often for meals and to play games.  after the first couple of years, though, we didn't get together as often.  their health declined, and they were frequently not well enough to spend time with us, and lengthy trips were out of the question.

to my surprise, i found myself missing our get-togethers and resented their inability to travel and join us for evenings of meals and game-playing.  we've become friends with another couple who are several years older than we are but who are still quite active.  we have much in common, including our political leanings and backgrounds.  i love spending time with them and hope that i can be as vital as they are when i'm their age.  when circumstances prevent our weekly visits, i find myself missing them and looking forward to a time when we can be with one another.

it's so important to have companionship, especially as we age.  the experts tell us that close friendships prolong our lives, and i believe them.  may we all find others with whom we can enjoy ourselves.  may each of us love ourselves and let our love carry over to others.  as we age, may we enlarge our circle of love to embrace as many people as we can.  shalom.